chicken poop sandwich: a morality tale

My mother called the other day irritated and snarly about a persistent someone who was stealing her detergent. She had medical students for neighbors, and although they were very quiet because they were almost never home, they made an appearance to do laundry. The coin operated washer and dryer lived in the basement, and because there were only four units in the building, my mother kept her liquid detergent there as well.

It quickly became obvious that someone was using her laundry supplies, so she left a note taped to the lid politely requesting that they buy their own. When that failed to deter the thief, she moved the detergent and hid it amongst her flower pots and potting soil. The stinker had the audacity to paw through her stuff and used it again. Then failed to cover up the crime by returning it to its hiding space.

To add insult to injury, there was another jug of detergent setting out for anyone to steal. It was a cheap brand, though, and not that great at cleaning.

So what's a mother to do? My mother claimed that she was going to add blue dye to her liquid detergent. When the thief pulled out their wet clothes, navy blue dye would be streaked throughout the load. I was a little shocked at my mother's plan of revenge, and I suggested that maybe she take the detergent upstairs with her instead of leaving it in the basement. That didn't go over well. It was the principle of the thing, you see. Then she told me the story of the chicken poop sandwich.

Her friend Ginny, who was a Quaker, had her sandwich routinely stolen in high school. This happened day after day until her mother decided to make a chicken poop sandwich. She dressed it up with tomato and lettuce so that it looked like the usual sandwich. It was the last lunch ever stolen from Ginny. The moral of the story? Don't screw with pacifists.

So my mother took a page from Ginny's mom's book of revenge. If you're a stealer, don't be surprised if you end up with a mouthful of chicken poop. And a load of streaky dyed laundry.

 

About the photograph: This is my bunny friend, Meadow, and when she first appeared in our yard three weeks ago, I was ecstatic. Having lived half my life in the city, this was the first time I had ever had a bunny in my yard. (It probably helps to actually have a yard. And no fence.) She emerged from the tree line every afternoon to slowly hop through the yard, nibbling at clover and generally looking voluptuous and serene. Everything was beautiful and peaceful, and I spent a lot of time at the kitchen watching my new furry friend. And then Scrapper made an entrance.

Scrapper looks exactly like his name. He's scrawny, and thin and his fur is coming out in tufts. One afternoon as I watched Meadow begin her supper, Scrapper came racing out of the woods and promptly thumped her with his hind legs. Have you seen rabbits fight? There is nothing cute and snugly about it. They leap high in the air and propel their back feet at their opponents with powerful kicks. Poor Meadow was no match, and she retreated to the shelter of the holly bushes along our back porch. Scrapper knew he had her beat, so he waited for her. She couldn't stay under there forever. After watching him for a few moments, only one solution came to mind.

I let the dog outside.

Comments

[Janet]

Sorry to ruin the suspense, but the "med students as Smurfs" revenge plot is temporarily delayed. The present crop of detergent thieves has shuffled off unscathed (they apparently don't do laundry very often). A new crop will soon replace them though, and as soon as I spot a streaky Smurf shuffling off with a stethoscope around his neck, I will let you know!

[The Muse of The Day]

I am still cracking up about your mom's solution. PLEASE let me know if they all end up with blue clothing. Picture me chuckling on top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere. Carolina

[The Muse of The Day]

ABSOLUTELY LOVED the story of your mom's little dilemma and her plan on how to resolve it.. Tell her I say "You Go Girl." Perhaps she will start a new trend- med students in tie dye. I am VERY, VERY proud of her for pulling a chicken-poop-sandwich-move. More people ought to have the nerve to put people who take advantage of others in their place. Loved your way with words. I have to tell you about a new book I am reading, Amy. It is called "The War of Art" - you would like it. Until next time. great post. Carolina

[Margo]

hheeeeee! laughing! the poop sandwich is The Best story I've heard for a while!
gentle like a dove, smart as a snake (or something like that)

[Rebecca]

Is there no shame left in this world? Stealing laundry detergent? I swan!

Blue dye is too good for 'em.

[PartyMom]

We have rabbits as big as cats around here. We think the runaway bunny has finally gotten away from his poor, dear old mom and nested in our back yard just so T can scream out "Bunny!!! Hop hop hop!"

Thankfully there seems to be enough food around here to keep them all well fed, so we've never seen them fight. I hope Muds is okay after tousling with little scrapper!

[Kathy Turner Seider]

I do believe you have a little pacifist revenge running thru your veins(insert maniacal laugh). I love your solution (and your mom's).

[Jennspired]

Oh, I can't wait to hear the follow-up!